Marcus

Healing the Pain of Divorce

by Marcus Guevara

In a previous article, Lust Leads to Atheism, I made the claim that divorce destroys the image that marital love is meant to convey to the married persons, their children, and to the world. That image that authentic married love is meant to reveal is the image of God’s love. That image is meant to be a sign to us of the God who is family and a testament that there is an eternal love that is free, total, faithful and fruitful. It’s meant to show us that not only does this sort of love exist but we can participate in that forever kind of love. In fact, to participate in that love is our very purpose. It is the true meaning of life.

If marital love is meant to image the love of God and witness that love to the world then divorce is antithetical to a loving God and therefore serves as an anti-witness. This was one of the things I proposed in the article Lust Leads to Atheism. I believe that atheism has found a dramatic increase in numbers due to the pain caused by malformed, misguided, or undisciplined sexual desires.

In this follow up article I’d like to switch the focus from the problem to the solution. How can we heal the pain caused by divorce?

Many people desire to be married in the church for the beautiful architecture, the ceremony, to please their parents or because they wish to remain in good standing with the Church. There is really nothing wrong with getting married in the church for some, or all, of these reasons. However, one of the reasons that it is important to have a church marriage is because the “church” isn’t just the building. It’s also the community. The community of the church serve not only as a witness that a marriage has taken place but also take on a responsibility to support the marriage. If marriages between two persons have the power to positively, or negatively, affect the community then the community has the responsibility, and the right, to ensure that this marriage has their full support. That is why during the ceremony the priest will say “if anyone has an objection as to why these two should not be married speak now or forever hold your peace”.

Here is a good example that might make it easier to understand what I am talking about. When a case goes to the Supreme Court here in the U.S. many people take interest in the case and its outcome. That’s because the outcome can set a precedent that affects everyone else in the U.S. For example, in the case of Roe v. Wade – Roe, who was one person, argued (really her lawyers did the arguing on her behalf) that she should have the right to an abortion. When the court decided in her favor it set a precedent that made it legal for anyone in the U.S. to obtain an abortion at any stage of pregnancy. Even though I was not at all involved in that case (I wasn’t even born at the time) our community is still feeling the effects of this decision. In fact, just a few weeks ago we were fighting to ensure a pro-life bill passed here in Texas. This example is not meant to discuss the issue of abortion but rather show how the actions of a few people can affect a whole community. The marriage of two persons can turn into a family of three, four, five, or more, people. We rise up in support of elected officials who we believe will fight to defend our rights. In the same kind of spirit we should rise up as a community and support marriages that will continue to keep our community strong and growing. Marriages are an important part of the Church and we have a responsibility to help foster them.

However, the sad reality is that a large number of marriages right now are ending in divorce. I don’t believe that people begin to lose faith only because a broken marriage is an anti-witness of what marriage is supposed to be a symbol of: the image of God’s love. There are a number of things that happen after divorce that can cause a blow to the faith of the divorced persons, their children, and the community.

Let’s do some quick logic. We have already established that the community has the responsibility to support the marriage and foster the faith of the family involved. In Catholic theology there is no such thing as divorce. We know that there is such thing as a civil divorce where people seek to legally separate themselves from the other. However, the Church teaches that the two persons remain one flesh. There is no way to “un-marry”, or divorce, once two persons are validly married. It is a binding union that will only end when one of the persons dies. That is why the priest asks them at the altar to repeat the words “in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, until death do us part”. God binds the souls and the bodies of these two persons together and “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Do we truly believe these words? Do we believe that God binds people together until death do them part? I am really trying to drive home this point that the marriage does not end with the civil divorce. I’m doing so not for people who have been divorced or thinking about a divorce (although it is a truth that they can meditate on and benefit from). My point here is that if the marriage does not end with the civil divorce than we, the community, still have the responsibility to support the marriage and foster the faith of the family and, more importantly, the children.

Often times Catholics will treat a civil divorce as though the marriage has ended and therefore their obligation to support the marriage has ended. They will cease supporting couple and even their children. This is extremely unfortunate because it is for times like these that the idea of having community support exists in the first place. It’s like having an emergency fund for your bills and then filing for bankruptcy because you can’t afford your mortgage even though you have a few thousand dollars available in the emergency fund. No one in their right minds would go bankrupt before utilizing money in a readily available emergency fund. The community is meant to support the marriage in good times and in bad. The event of a civil divorce (still married by the Church) is a very bad time of the marriage. The community is the emergency fund that either one, or both, of the individuals can tap into when they are in trouble. More importantly the church community is a support fund for the children who are innocent in the entire matter.

If I am speaking in cryptic or confusing terms then let me state my point more clearly. We need to do a better job of loving and caring for people affected by divorce. This includes the two married persons who obtain a civil divorce as well as their children.

I myself have been guilty in the past of forming a misguided and unwarranted opinion of a divorced person or even a child of divorced parents. After having heard of a divorced couple, or a couple considering a divorce, my immediate reaction has been one of disappointment and confusion. I have been caught off guard and did not know what to say and at times I have said the wrong thing. I know I’ve been guilty of looking at them differently just because I know they are divorced or because their parents are divorced. Over the years I’ve worked hard to challenge the temptation I had to react like this and prayed that God would give me the compassion and empathy I needed to love and minister to people who have experienced such terrible devastation to their family. However, I still see that this is a problem in church circles. Recently I spoke to someone who told me that after his parents divorced he felt as though they were no longer treated the same at their church. He claimed that he no longer felt completely welcome after his parents divorced. This person later went on to become an atheist. I thought that if a teenager experienced this in his church because his parents divorced than it must be much worse for the divorced persons. I wonder how often it is that people leave their church because of the looks they receive or because of the difference in how they are spoken to and treated after a divorce (or after their parents’ divorce). If a divorced person can’t turn to the church – who promised to support them in good times and bad times – then where can they turn?

I wondered why it seems to be so common that the church community treats divorced people like lepers and sinners. I came up with a theory that, I think, explains it.

We think being divorced is a sin.

If you read that sentence and immediately thought “It is a sin! What is this guy talking about?” then you have proven my point. Speaking from the perspective of Catholic theology – divorce does not exist. How can it be a sin if there is no so such thing as divorce? A civil divorce is often the result of sin, or multiple compiled sins, such as infidelity, irresponsibility, or selfishness. But it’s possible that one of the persons in the marriage is not guilty of any of these sins. It’s possible that one of the persons in the marriage can fall into serious sin and damage the relationship on his, or her, own. It’s also possible that the two persons did not understand God’s plan for marriage and later realized that they never truly desired to entire into a sacramental marriage. Maybe they were never truly married in the first place. This is where an annulment comes into play. There are many possibilities and it is very possible that sin is involved on the part of one or both persons.

So what?

Their sin is between them and God. Their personal sin is not our affair and it is none of our business. Unless they are advocating for the Church to change its stance on divorce we really shouldn’t get involved in trying to correct them. Our job is to love and support them and if they open up about their personal matters and ask for advice then we can take that opportunity to provide some advice.

It’s important to emphasize that being divorced is not a sin. Being the child of a divorce is not a sin. If we treat a divorced person as though they are stuck in a sinful lifestyle then why would we expect them to stick around and come to church each Sunday? One of the ways we can help heal the pain of divorce is to change our mentality concerning divorce. We need to stop treating divorced persons as though they are sinful people and start treating them with compassion as though they are persons suffering through a terrible life experience – because they are.

If a divorced person feels loved and accepted by members of the church community than it is likely that they will continue to come to Church and receive the sacraments that they may desperately need. The greatest way for a person to heal after divorce is to come closer to God through the sacraments. Mass, adoration, prayer and reconciliation are the ways that a person can feel the embrace of a loving God at a time when they are hurting and lonely. Of course, being part of a family, or community, of believers is also important because we are not meant to face trials and adversity alone. We can lean on others and rely on them to hold us up through prayer and encouragement.

I know that the title of this article is called “Healing the Pain of Divorce” and it seems as though I spent a lot more time directing challenges at non-divorced persons in the Church. I did not set out to chastise anyone. As I said earlier I have been guilty of lacking compassion for divorced persons. We grow up hearing that divorce is bad and so we often think that the people involved in the divorce are bad. Divorce can be bad without a person being bad. I understand the reason we can feel uncomfortable when someone tells us “I’m divorced” but we need to make an effort to change our reaction to become one of compassion. I really believe that the most important part of helping a person, or family, heal after divorce is a loving community for them to fall back on.

Additionally, persons who have been divorced shouldn’t use the excuse that they don’t feel welcome or accepted to stay away from the Church and the Sacraments. There also has to be an effort on the part of those who are divorced to participate in the community and in the Sacraments. I understand there may be a great deal of embarrassment, and pain, after a divorce but a person should also seek the help they need. If you have gone to confession for any sins you have committed – they are forgiven. Do not believe your sin is too great to be forgiven. Don’t let that sort of thinking keep you away from confession. Once you have been forgiven – move forward. If someone gives you an awkward reaction when you tell them they are divorced – know that it may be just because they don’t know what to do and are unsure of what to say or do to help.

In your suffering you may find yourself closer to God. You’re prayer is likely to be more passionate and authentic than ever. Receive the graces that God has to offer through frequenting the Sacraments and stay involved with your church community. If they are not moving mountains to help you – don’t give up. Someone will step up to support you the way you need it. There are wonderful people in every church. You just have to find them. If you are unable to find anyone who can help – contact me. I’d be glad to talk to you.

The last thing I would like to say is in regards to the child, or children, affected by divorce. If you are a child who has experienced your parents’ divorce (especially if it was recent) you should know that the divorce is not your fault. You are not the reason your parents divorced. If you threw a fit because you didn’t get the video game or dress that you wanted or fought with your mom – that’s not the reason they divorced. It’s not your fault. If you are reading this and you are a divorced parent then let your child know that it is not his, or her, fault. Even if they are older and it’s been years since the divorce. If you have never reassured them that it was not their fault then the words “it’s not your fault” can be very healing.

As the community of the Church we must also take care to let the children of a divorce know that there is nothing wrong with them. They are not different because their parents are no longer married in the eyes of the state. They didn’t do anything wrong. They’re just children.

If you are considering a divorce I would recommend you contact Greg or Julie from the Alexander House (TheAlexanderHouse.org). If you are divorced then I would recommend you visit this website http://www.catholicsdivorce.com/. If you have any questions or need more resources feel free to e-mail me at Marcus@ThirstingforTruth.com

This article is the first article of a two-part series
The second part is entitled “Sex: the best proof for God’s existence”

---

We all know instinctively that sex has a particular purpose or design. Even if we don’t know exactly what that design is we can recognize when something about a particular sex act or result doesn’t seem right. At this point we are not trying to show the purpose of sex. We are only trying to demonstrate that if we can recognize that something like rape is a misuse of our sexuality then there must be a proper use. If we say that rape is a wrong way to use one’s sexuality then, in effect, we are affirming that there exists a right way to use one’s sexuality. We won’t go into the philosophy of what makes an act like rape, or incest, wrong. We will only discuss the damage it causes and why I think it can lead a person to Atheism.

Over the years I’ve discussed Christianity with atheists and agnostics of different types. One thing that I have found common among many of them is an inability to relate to popular methods of Christian evangelization. The greatest example is that many of the people I have spoken to come from a broken family. Those persons don’t see the Christian message that God is our Father as something that is appealing. That’s because the word “father” may trigger feelings of anger, hatred, or bitterness. A person may have grown up without a father because their father left their mother when he found out she was pregnant or became unfaithful later in marriage and decided to leave his wife and children for another woman. Telling a person with this kind of experience that “God is your father” can sound to them more like you are saying “God is the guy that is going to leave you and your mother with a hole in your heart”. If I had that sort of experience I might respond with “No thanks, keep your religion”.

If a person doesn’t know what it is like to have a loving father because that father has been absent, unloving, or abusive, then that person is likely to project their idea of father onto God who is Father. Similarly, that person will likely project their feelings of their earthly father on to God the Father. I know that if I didn’t know my father, or if he was never really around or involved in my life, I would wonder things like “Where is he? Why is he never around? Why is it that I never get to see him or talk to him? Does he not care about me?”

When God is presented to me as a loving Father, the perfect Father, I might then wonder “Where is he? Why does he never seem to be around when things are bad – when I need him the most? Why can’t I see him or hear him?” I remember once I was explaining this theory to someone while driving. I didn’t see what sort of reaction he was having to anything that I said. However, after I finished, the first thing he said was “You just described me”. He was able to relate to what I was saying because he knew the pain of not having a father around. For a person in the position I have been describing it is reasonable that they should then ask these questions about God. I won’t try to answer them in this article (but I certainly will in future articles) but I believe these are important questions to not only ask but also seek the answers to. They are honest questions that come from the heart. God understands this and, I believe, wants us to ask, and seek answers, to those questions that pain us.

I realize that not every person who comes from a broken family becomes an atheist. It’s not a guaranteed result. My point is that it can cause a crisis of faith that fractures the image we have of God which can then lead to atheism.

The theory is that our sexuality is meant to image the nature of God who is family (see What is the Theology of the Body or read Sex: The best proof for God’s existence after finishing this article). So when we image that love of God properly with our sexuality then we become something of a portrait, a painting, of God to the world.

In other words sex in its pure form speaks a truth to the world: “God exists, He is real and He is Love”. This is evident in a family that sacrifices out of love for each other: the man lays down his life for his bride and the two lay down their lives for their child/children. When we see a family who truly and unselfishly love one another something resonates in our hearts. Something tells us that this is what life is all about. This is what real love is. This sort of love gives us hope and we love to see this sort of love in action. Hence the countless movies that are centered on a love story or a man who sacrifices his self out of love for his woman or his people. Movies like Braveheart, Titanic (where Jack dies saving Rose), and pretty much every other powerful, and lasting, love story share the same theme of self sacrificial love. This sort of love inspires us and gives us hope.

On the other hand sex in its forms of perversion, or lust, speaks a lie to the world: “There is no God. God is not love; he is a slave master and a dictator”. This is evident when we see a man who controls his wife and children through fear and abuse, when a person is raped and murdered for the sake of a climax, and when innocent little children are sexually abused, manipulated, and exploited. This sort of lust clashes with us at our deepest levels. This sort of lust goes against everything we know to be true, good, and beautiful. These sexual perversions cause us to lose faith and hope, not only in humanity but in a God who could allow such things to take place.

Many conclude that such a “loving” God could not exist, thus, atheism.

It seems to be that the popularity of atheism has risen very quickly since the advent of the sexual revolution. The sexual revolution’s message was “Have sex with who you want, whenever you want, for whatever reason you want”. I interpret that to mean “Forget the rules of sex defined by the ancient old Church. You define sex for yourself”.

Nearly five decades later the results of the sexual revolution have brought a near 53% divorce rate, hundreds of new STD’s with millions of new infections every year, and high numbers of broken families and fatherless homes. The corruption of the family fractures the portrait, or image, of God that we are meant to image with our bodies. Therefore, a divorce rate that has been over 50% for nearly twenty years means that more than half of the U.S. population for the last twenty years have been witnessing a fractured image of marriage and therefore a fractured image of God. This is the statistic of only the U.S. population and does not encompass the broken families in the U.S. where the parents of a child never marry.

If sex in its proper form is meant to reveal to us the nature of God then God is being hidden from more than half of U.S. families.

It’s no wonder that the number of atheists has grown so quickly over the past few decades and is continuing to grow. There are many issues that have been mentioned that are not resolved in this article. It was not meant to tackle the issue of atheism in its entirety. This article was meant only to establish that it is reasonable to believe that sexual perversion can lead to atheism. However, I believe that if sexual perversion can lead one to atheism then authentic sexuality can lead one back to God.

The good news is that if it is true that broken families can portray a fractured image of God which then can lead to atheism then meditating on the true image of sexual love can help reveal God to us. In other words, for those who struggle with belief in God – I believe meditating on the Church’s teaching on sexuality is the best remedy.

To see what I mean, read the second article of this series.
Sex: the best proof for God’s existence

---

Are you having problems in your marriage? If you are considering divorce or know someone considering divorce, contact Greg and Julie at the Alexander House.
TheAlexanderHouse.org

If you have not read Lust Leads to Atheism please read that article first.
Lust Leads to Atheism precedes this article. They were one article split into two in order to shorten the length

---

For those who may be thinking that the title of this post is scandalous, please bear with me. I think you’ll find that I am not saying that sex feels so good that there has to be a God (although I do believe pleasure does give us a taste of heaven). The title is meant to grab the attention of those who are not aware of the Church’s teaching on sex. However, I’m not going for shock value here. I think this statement is absolutely true when understood properly and when given its proper connotation.

First, it’s important that we restore the original meaning of the word sex. The word sex can often make people uncomfortable because of the way it is commonly used in today’s society. The word sex has been redefined to describe the action of two people engaging in the physical union of their bodies. It has over time been reduced to a casual act amongst partners who may, or may not, know each other.
However, the word sex did not originally carry this meaning. If you have ever filled out an application or some form that asked you to choose your sex – you did not have “yes” or “no” listed as options – you had “male” or “female” to choose between. Sex means gender. Male or Female.

According to Christian Theology, our story begins with God’s creation in the book of Genesis. In fact, the very crown of creation is the creation of the human person. To quote Genesis 1:26-27,

Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air,
and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every
creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”

1) So God created humankind in his image,
2) in the image of God he created them;
3) male and female he created them.

It is here that God says something astounding that people often glance right over. “Let us create humankind in our image”. God must have known that we would glance right over that part of the story without giving it much thought so he repeats this message three more times to catch the readers attention! 1) So God created mankind in his own image. 2) In the image of God he created them 3) Male and Female he created them… Wow. That seems really redundant, unless, he was really trying to get the point across. But, wait a minute. Isn’t number 3 saying something different? Number 3 says “male and female he created them”. It doesn’t say anything about the image of God, does it? Well, I’m glad I made you ask that question because the answer to that question is why I believe sex is the best proof for God’s existence. The answer is yes. God is trying to tell us something very important and I believe this message is something that rings true in our hearts.

Let me explain why I believe that “male and female he created them” (line number 3) is another way of saying “in the image of God he created them” (line number 2). If I tell someone “I have a car” and then immediately after that I say “It is blue” most people know how to interpret the second sentence. That’s because we know how to understand a sentence like “It is blue” as long as we have the proper context in which it belongs. If I just went up to someone and said “It is blue” they would probably ask “What are you talking about? What’s blue?”. If walked up to that same person and said “I have a car. It is blue” they would probably still give me a weird look but would most likely respond with something like “Okay… you have a blue car. Good for you”. He would know what I meant when I said “It is blue” because this time I gave the context needed for understanding. In the Genesis passage quoted above we must interpret line 3 as though it came
immediately after line 2.

The context in Genesis 1:26 is all about the creation of mankind in the image of God. Reading, again, through the last three sentences quoted above it seems almost as if God is trying to ensure our focus is on mankind being created in his image and then once it is – he substitutes “male and female” for “in his image”. If it
was so important that we focus on the fact that we were created in his image then why would he then substitute something else for what he really wanted us to focus on? I believe it’s because we are meant to interpret that we are created male and female in light of the fact that we are created in his image. Our sexuality plays an important part in showing how we were created in the image of God, or how it is that we image God.

This is where John Paul II’s Theology of the Body shows its value in illuminating our understanding of the gift of our sexuality. The image of God is family. God the Father loves Jesus – the Son. He gives his self to his Son Jesus as a total gift, holding nothing back. Jesus opens himself to the Father’s gift, accepts, and receives his love. In turn Jesus gives himself back as a total gift to the Father – holding nothing back, not even his own body which is given up on the cross. Their eternal exchange of love is so powerful, so real, that it is another person.

The Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity who is understood to be the powerful bond of love between God the Father and Jesus the Son. All three persons are so integrated, so unified, that they are one God and one family – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Keeping in mind that we were created to image God in our sexuality, we think of the love between a man and a woman where the man initiates a total gift of his self to the woman. The woman may choose to accept the gift and receive the man’s love and give herself back as a total gift – holding nothing back. The love between the two can be so powerful, so real, that they participate in creation. The life that comes forth from their union can be said to be the embodiment of the love between the two. And so they become family: father, mother and child. Three persons but one family. We can see now how meditating on the creation of the body (male and female) we can come to a greater understanding of God (theology), hence the Theology of the Body – a study of God through the human body. This gives us a much greater understanding of the Christian God and helps us understand the meaning and purpose of our sexuality. You may be wondering why this post is intended to be somewhat of a proof of God’s existence.

There are two major reasons why I believe this serves as a great “proof” for God’s existence.

The first major reason is that it can be demonstrated that sex has a purpose and design. Lust, which clouds the purpose and design of sex, leads to Atheism (see Lust Leads to Atheism). We talked about what that purpose is from the Catholic perspective. However, even from a secular point of view we can come to this conclusion because sex isn’t “just sex”. It’s not like shaking someone’s hand or watching a movie. Sex has lasting consequences. Those consequences can either be really good or really bad. In fact, most would agree that when sex is conducted or used inappropriately there are some terrible consequences. Therefore, you can know a thing is true when the opposite of it is false. In computer science, or mathematical, terminology we would say we know A is true because Not(A) is false. For example, we know that a car requires gas to be driven because when we take all the gas out of the tank it won’t turn on anymore. When sex is misused families begins to break apart which then leads to a degradation of society. We can then conclude that if lust, or misused sexuality, is bad for society then that means that there is some sort of proper use or context of sexuality that is good for society. This is the same thing as saying that there is a design for sexuality and sex should be utilized in accordance with that design for “best results”. The question, then, becomes “What is the purpose of sexuality? How do we figure out what that design, or blueprint, is?” That question is what the Theology of the Body seeks to answer.

The second major reason I believe sex is the best proof for God’s existence is because sex seems to be the most sought after thing in the world. Our current culture is absolutely obsessed with sex and all throughout history sex has been the cause of the rise and fall of many nations. People will lie, steal and kill for sex. Conversely, people will chase after, pledge their lives to, and sacrifice everything for sex. Meditation on why it is that the obsession with sex seems to transcend time and culture can lead to two different outcomes. People are either mere animals who are controlled by their instincts and desires or there is much more to sex than just a good feeling. I don’t believe that people are animals even though we sometimes act like animals. Yes, often people can be controlled by their instincts and desires but it’s usually easy to recognize something is wrong when a person cannot say no (ex: those addicted to sex and drugs… etc). As I said before sex isn’t just sex. Sex is the most intimate act that two people can share. It’s a sharing of persons – both literally and figuratively. Sex has it’s own language. A body language. And we speak a message with our bodies even when we don’t think we do.

When two persons shake hands after making a deal there’s a bond made of not only words but also of bodies. The hand shake reaffirms what has been spoken through words. In a sense the handshake says “it’s a deal”. It just says it in a different language. What if you were lying and said “it’s a deal” but you planned on breaking the deal with the person? When the other person finds out they will feel betrayed because you shook hands on it and used your body to back up your words. In the movie Vanilla Sky, Cameron Diaz’s character in tells Tom Cruise’s character, “Don’t you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not”. These words are very true. The language that sex speaks is one of permanence, of love and truth. The physical act of sex is not all that we long for. It is the union of two persons that we ultimately long for. The forever kind of love is what we are constantly trying to obtain. We are searching so desperately that we, as a culture, wear this truth on our sleeve.

It comes out in our music and in our movies. Singers are constantly releasing new songs with the same themes and similar lyrics like “I’m gonna love you… like nobody’s loved you” (Keith Urban), “You’re still the one” (Shania Twain), “Always and Forever” (Rod Temperton) and “I’m gonna love you forever and ever… Amen” (Randy Travis). Poetry from a man to a woman, or vise versa, that uses language like “you are the world to me”, “not even death will stop me from loving you”, “I want to spend forever with you” seems to accidentally approach the language of the Theology of the Body without picking up a Bible. I believe that this is because this truth has been written into our bodies and we instinctively know that there is a truth to “male and female” that goes beyond us. There must be something more to life because love seems to transcend time and space and even after those close to us have died we continue to long for their love and presence. I believe that sex is meant to reveal the nature of God to us and I believe that it has a great deal of pleasure attached to it because that enormous amount of pleasure helps to give us the motivation to continue that search for God passionately. The Church, and the Theology of the Body, teaches that sex and the climax of sex is meant to give to us a little tiny “taste” of Heaven. It is a crumb that falls from the table of the wedding feast that we are meant to enjoy at the wedding feast that is Heaven. G.K. Chesterton once said that every man who knocks on the door of a brothel (prostitution house) is searching for God.

That’s why sex is the best proof for God. Because we know in our hearts that there is something special about sex and that sexual love (pure and authentic) has a beauty that we just cannot help but gaze upon. Even though many people miss the mark and cause a great deal of damage through the misuse of sex. I truly believe that everyone out there seeking sex is really seeking God (eternal love) even if they are not aware of it. When people start realizing this truth and learning the truth about sex and it’s relation to the nature of God’s love… there will no longer be any need for “proof’s” of God’s existence because to truly love be loved is to truly know love.

---

For more information on the Theology of the Body see my articles What is the Theology of the Body and Intro to the Theology of the Body

Related Post: What is the Theology of the Body?. Read More

If you have never heard of the Theology of the Body I would recommend listening to these two great talks by Christopher West. Both are free to download.

The first is called Theology of the Body: A Bold, Biblical Response to the Sexual Revolution. Christopher West is Catholic but is speaking at a Protestant Church – sharing this wonderful Theology with our Christian brothers and sisters. The talk can be downloaded by clicking the image above or by following this link:
Download Theology of the Body: A Bold, Biblical Response to the Sexual Revolution

The second talk is entitled “Your call to Greatness” and can be downloaded through the following link.
Download Your Call to Greatness

Christopher West also has additional products published by Ascension Press. Those looking for a more in depth introduction might consider purchasing any of his excellent books or audio/video series.

More Info:
ChristpherWest.com
TheologyOfTheBody.com
AscensionPress.com

Do you feel that everyone deserves to be heard? Do you believe you can learn something from anyone? What about the people you disagree with? What about those persons whose practice or lifestyle is radically different from your own?

I do .

I’m launching a new part of my ministry in an effort to bridge the gap between people inside the Catholic Church and those outside. Let me be honest and upfront by saying that, of course, I do still have a mission to help reveal the Truth and beauty of the Catholic faith to the world. I don’t shy away from talking about the Catholic Church to anyone who is interested or willing to listen. However, I am going to make a big effort to extend that same act of love to those who are outside the Church. I always appreciate when a person is willing to openly discuss matters of faith and morals and share opinions, insights and experience. I am always eager to answer questions regarding the Catholic Church and my own journey to Christ. I’m open about my current and past struggles and I always enjoy sharing my story.

I’ve realized lately, though, that one of the things that sometimes keeps us faithful Catholic’s from enjoying open dialogue with others of differing beliefs (atheists, pro-choicer’s, same-sex marriage proponents, protestants.. etc) is the fact that we don’t often take the time to understand each other. We try and beat our beliefs into the other person and often one or both persons says something out of anger or frustration. The conversation might easily then be escalated to an angry battle where each person believes the louder or more insulting person will become the winner. I myself have been guilty of becoming frustrated or offended and sprinkling a bit of insult on top of logical arguments in order to get back at the other person. In fact, I’ve gotten a little more than heated at times and allowed anger to fuel my motivation for winning an argument. However, more often than not I am able to have a respectful conversation with someone who disagrees with me. Going forward I’m really trying to make an effort to ensure that I am having productive conversations with others – no matter who they are.

I realize this isn’t always going to be possible.

Some people are simply out for blood and won’t stop until they get it. This is true of people of all beliefs. I know atheists that just can’t stand that others believe in God. They break out into a barrage of insults and accusations if anyone dares mention that they believe in God. Christopher Hitchens once gagged during a debate with Dinesh D’Souza when Dinesh spoke of the love and generosity of Mother Teresa. On the opposite extreme we have seen people like the Westboro Baptist Church commit atrocious acts of hate and damn to hell those who disagrees with them (including other Christians). I am of the opinion that a very small percentage of the population fall into these extremes. Most people just have a hard time listening to others’ arguments or experience when it clashes with their own experience or worldview. It’s hard for people to listen to each other because each person has something to say – whether it be an opinion or a different experience – and feels that it is important for the other person to hear what they have to say. Person 1 says “Wait a second, just listen to me for a moment. It’s important” and then Person 2 says “No, no. Let me say something first”. Person 1 interrupts Person 2 to say “You’re not listening to me. Just shut up for a second”. This sort of back and forth continues with each person interrupting the other to comment or to refute something the other just said. Neither person listens to or considers the others argument. Both are only concerned with making their own point and forcing the other to agree. The result is that both persons are frustrated that the other didn’t see or understand their point and leaves the conversation having learned nothing from the other.

I have had this sort of fight with my wife before. We were discussing an issue that we both didn’t see eye-to-eye on. I repeated my argument many times over and found myself saying “You’re not listening to me. You just keep interrupting me to challenge what I’m saying before I’m finished saying it”. At one point in the conversation she was saying she didn’t feel like I was listening to her and then I realized that I interrupted her to say “No, you’re the one that’s not listening to me”. I couldn’t admit it during that moment but I knew that I was just as guilty of not listening. I thought to myself “how many times have I done that to someone who didn’t understand the Catholic faith the way that I do?”. How many times has someone been frustrated with me during a conversation because I was simply launching historical, statistical, logical and philosophy arguments at them and not making an effort to hear what the other person had to say?

I’m not saying you should just wait your turn to speak.

What if, instead of trying to make others see our point, we were more concerned with ensuring that they felt their opinion and experience mattered? What if each person in the conversation made an effort to really listen to the other person. If Person 1 says “Go ahead, I’m listening” and Person 2 say’s “No that’s okay, you were saying something first”. The result would be that both persons would feel as though they were heard. They would walk away from the conversation feeling like they learned something from the other but also that the other potentially learned something from them. When you are trying to tell someone something, especially if it concerns a sensitive issue, it can feel so unloving when the other person doesn’t seem to be interested in what you have to say. If you are confused or struggling with something that is weighing heavy on your heart it can be very frustrating when someone dismisses your thoughts and feelings. Women often have the complaint that when they try to talk to their husband about a particular struggle or problem the man immediately starts telling them how to fix their problem instead of just listening. The reason this can be upsetting is because listening is an act of love. Listening is a way of communicating to the other person that they are important and should be treated with a dignity of someone who is unique and unrepeatable. Listening to someone tells them “I am interested in You”. Listening is also an act of love because it requires putting someone else before yourself since most people like hearing themselves more than they like hearing others.

I am making an effort to do a greater job of listening. It doesn’t matter if you are a Catholic, Atheist, Pro-choice, Protestant, Muslim, Buddhist or anything else I haven’t mentioned. You are a person that deserves to be heard and I want to listen. I am interested in You.

Feel free to make a YouTube video; write a blog about your story; tell me about your beliefs; tell me what you think about the Catholic Church or ask me a question about myself or my faith. I truly desire to hear from you.

– Marcus